Painkillers, Orange Juice, and the Bible

I hate Exedrin Extra Strength headache medicine.

Now, I actually don’t think I have ever used the stuff. I use the Cheap equivalent that you get at Wal-Mart instead, and I cannot stand it. It doesn’t work.

Now, I suppose if I took some Tylenol (or the Kirkland equivalent from Costco) when my head started hurting this wouldn’t be a problem. I only seem to take medicine when I’m absolutely desperate, and then it doesn’t really help much.

I was just planning on writing this to distract myself from my throbbing head (even though it’s after 11 and I should probably just be in bed trying to sleep it off). I figured I would just vent and post and leave it at that.

Then, I started to think about something. Well, actually, two things.

1. I don’t use name brand drugs.
2. I always wait until I am completely miserable before I take any medicine, and by then it takes longer to work.

Now, the first thing really is not my fault. I’m sixteen, and my parents buy the medicine in the house. We love the Wal-Mart, Costco, and Target Brand products (heck, I can’t even use name brand contact solution!).

Last year, I was on a retreat with one of my youth groups, and to almost nobody’s surprise, I was sick the entire weekend (and coughing for a month afterwards.) My friend, Ryan, yelled at me to drink my orange juice at breakfast. Of course, he figured that it might help me get better, but it didn’t do much good. He responded by saying that it’s because I hadn’t been drinking orange juice before.

The orange juice didn’t help (supposedly) because I was already sick when I started to drink it. If I was healthier when I started drinking it, maybe I would not have gotten so sick, or I wouldn’t have stayed sick as long.

And maybe if I actually took some medicine when I first started feeling sick, maybe I wouldn’t get as sick as I do. It always seems the medicine doesn’t work when you are the most miserable.

I have a lot of quotes in my collection, and one of my favorites is “Read the Bible, it’s orange juice for the soul.” I was just (literally…JUST) reflecting on this quote, when it dawned on me. Sometimes, it seems that when things are tough, I don’t turn to God. I just try to deal with it on my own for the time being.

The problem is, most times things just seem to get worse, and it’s usually when I seem to have hit rock bottom that I finally do turn to God. It seems to be harder then. It’s not harder to cling to God when I’m desperate, but getting out of that rough spot just seems to take longer. It’s kind of like when I wait until I’m miserable before taking any kind of medicine. It just takes longer for the medicine to actually work.

Now, for the sake of my illustration, let’s say that Orange Juice really does help keep you from getting sick (I’ve heard that’s not actually true, but whatever). I realized that orange juice and the Bible can be easily compared. I think the best way to explain it is how I did back on March 22, 2007 (the same day I got my 15th Birthday ice-cream cake…Carvel lol) on my Xanga:

When I stopped reading the Bible, I became weak…like my weakened immune system without the OJ. I fall (get sick) and it’s hard to get back up. So, I started reading the Bible. Nothing. It took time to heal and time for the Bible reading to do anything for me. Just like the orange juice. Had I read the Bible constantly, I would not have weakened, just like drinking orange juice maybe would’ve kept me from getting sick.

I should keep this in mind more. If I keep praying, and reading my Bible, maybe I won’t have as many problems as I do (not going to get into all the details in here…it’s a very long, and depressing story). Maybe the Bible will be like orange juice for my soul, and maybe when I do start to go through a rough time I’ll try to take care of the problem before I’m completely miserable.

It’s amazing what I can come up with with a headache in a freezing house when I’m falling asleep. Honestly, I am not on drugs…yet.

Until next time,

Queen Lissa (who loves DEMANDS comments from the commoners reading this blog…haha)

A Crayon Colored World

I watch the lime-green bluebirds fly
in a V-shaped band across a tangerine sky
The purple sun peeks silently from
behind the red grass hills where children come
Laughing and singing a new kind of song
and gaze at lilac clouds in a world where all belong
A smile is stretched across every child’s face
and a feeling of hope, love, and grace.
The apples on trees are as blue as can be
and the yellow flowing ocean stretches as far as you can see.

I look out of my window on a crayon colored world
Drinking orange hot chocolate on the chair where I am curled
Dreaming of this perfect life out there
where children play without a single care
Where dreams are dreamed and hope is real
and every child knows how love can feel

Unheard cries now have a voice
not silenced in the name of “choice”
No stomach is empty night after night
Nobody lives on the cold streets in fright
Nobody feels they are worth nothing at all
And whenever someone stumbles, there is comfort if they fall
No child goes to bed beaten black and blue
and in my crayon colored world, the love of God rings true

Hope lives in every heart that beats inside
and life is no longer an up and down roller coaster ride
Love is felt by every boy and girl
in my crayon colored world.

 

I will call myself “beautiful”…even when I don’t feel it…

“I believe in the sun even when it’s not shining
I believe in love even when I don’t feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent”
-BarlowGirl

I do not feel very beautiful. I do not feel all that important at times, and often I feel somewhat worthless. Still, I’ve learned that feelings are not always reliable. After all, I have felt completely alone when arms are wrapped around me.

Last week, I did something stupid which left me home from Velocity Reborn Midweek (or whatever it’s called these days). I was pretty upset with myself, and I threw a little temper tantrum in the (almost) empty house (three cats and myself). I pulled out my journal and I started writing stuff that had been building up for a couple weeks. I wrote that I felt ugly. I felt stupid.

I said I didn’t even want to call myself queen (which I call myself often). A queen is someone of importance, and at that moment I felt anything but important. If I was to compare myself to any Disney princess it would be Cinderella…in all the rags and dirt. Once again, the clock struck midnight for me, and unlike Cinderella, the clock keeps striking.

I’m not even sure what happened, but I started writing…

“…You may not feel important, but you are. Your family thinks you are. Pastor Matt, Stacy, Sarah H, Rachel, Ashley, Meghan, Grace Ann, and all your friends think you are. Most importantly, God thinks you are very important…”

I wanted to ignore that. Sometimes, it’s easier to ignore the truth than to accept it…no matter how good the truth really is. This time, though, I refused to write that I’m not important. I refused to try to fight the truth, and as hard as it was, I forced myself to write.

“God says I am important, therefore, I am important. God says I am beautiful, therefore, I am beautiful. God says I am precious, therefore, I am precious. God says I am valuable, therefore, I am valuable…”

That was so hard to write. For years, I have had this mindset: “What goes up must come down and the higher you go the harder you fall.” I do not accept things like people caring about me easily. Convincing myself that people caring about me is a lie temporarily helps with the hurt when I am let down. It doesn’t work too well, and that hurt does come back..at least it did for me, but that’s another blog for another day.

Still, as I wrote that, it came easier to me. I didn’t have to struggle to let those words come onto the paper because I could not argue with them. They were the truth, and the truth is reliable. My feelings are not. I have been faced with times where God has proven His love for me through friends and circumstances, but even then, I turn to my feelings.

I have decided to change that. I have decided that when I doubt that I am loved, or when I feel completely stupid, ugly, worthless, and unimportant I will write the truth. I know this is not going to be easy for me, but I want to stop turning to my feelings, and start looking at the truth.

I will call myself beautiful…not because I feel beautiful, but because God says I am.

Until next time,

Queen Lissa