I’m starting to think there were fumes in my old school…

If only Shoprite would get back to me…not that I want to work, but I kinda want to earn money. Let me tell you that it stinks being sixteen. I don’t care if it’s “Sweet Sixteen” the job selection in the area is nothing decent (example: ShopWRONG). But of course, even mentioning that I have a diploma doesn’t do me any good in these places where you have to be at least 17. Well, maybe after my Birthday…when all of the other teens who are older than me have already filled up the open positions because they did not have to wait until the end of June to turn 17.

About two weeks ago, I realized why Facebook is so awesome (although, I still am on Myspace). I reunited with my best friend in second grade (who still has the stationary I gave her as a going away present about eight or nine years ago). Over the past week or so, I’ve realized how fast things are changing. It was only about seven or eight years ago (possibly not even that long ago though) that I was playing games involving unicorns, princesses, and even Telletubbies and Pokemon (hey! Telletubbies was cool when I was seven…we don’t need to mention me watching online episodes a few weeks ago, do we?).

Then it dawned on me…the girl my mom used to babysit when I was in fourth grade is now a freshman in high school. The kids I’ve known my entire life because of my mom’s babysitting jobs are almost done with high school. I’m talking to friends I haven’t seen in up to nine or ten years.

The little boy I used to read to in school when I was in fifth grade is a sixth grader now. It’s hard to think that he’s only a year younger than my sister, but he is. When I was his reading buddy, he could hardly read. I met him when he was five, now he is at least eleven years old.

I emailed my second grade teacher a few days ago. She was my favorite teacher, and in the reply email she told me to call her by her first name: Christine. It’s been nine years since I was in her class, and the idea of calling her by her first name is strange. I can call teachers in general by their first name, but calling one of my OWN teachers by her first name? It just doesn’t seem to be right.

I’m no longer class of 2009. I’m done with high school before 2009. I’m done before the seniors graduating 2008 are done. It’s kind of cool to think that I have all of these friends who are 17 and 18 who are still in school, and I’m 16 (and 3/4 tomorrow) and I’ve finished high school. It’s cool, but it’s also a little scary at the same time.

I guess the shock will wear off someday. I’m wondering if I did the right thing over the past few months. Regardless of my doubts and regrets, I can’t change the past. So, I guess I have to go onto the future a little earlier than I originally expected. I’m not sure I’m ready for this (but is anybody ever “ready”?) I can’t really turn back now though. For now, I’m just going to enjoy life. After all, I’ve decided that since I finished high school at sixteen I get the right to rub it in a little bit (hey! I’m the Queen! I can give myself these rights if I want to!)

Until next time, faithful blog-reading commoners (which apparently is only Pastor Matt…unless other commoners have not commented after I issued the royal comment decree)

Queen Lissa (of nothing but this blog: “From the Mind of Queen Lissa”)

Edit: Shoprite called and said there isn’t a place for me, and they don’t “feel comfortable” bringing me back because of my attitudes problem. The ONLY reason I had an attitude at work was because I was in so much pain I couldn’t think straight. Plus, I was told that I would have a job. So, as much as I don’t want to work there, I am extremely annoyed at them right now. I guess it’s time to see if that union that I was forced to join will do me any good.

Velocity…almost two years

Everybody should know by now that I am addicted to journaling. If you have not realized this, then I suggest you get examined by a medical professional as soon as possible. I’ve been writing in journals since sixth grade (though I did attempt to start diaries earlier in life.) Starting in February 2006, I started a habit of completing the journal before starting a new one. (And yes, the journal in the picture is the one I was writing in at the time, though it looks nicer in the pic. My copy is somewhat worn.)

If I think about it, I suppose I should wait another month before writing this blog. I’m going to forget to write this by then, so I’m going to write it now.

In late August and September 2004, I went to a small church near my home: Bethel Assembly of God. My reasons for wanting to go were simple: it was an Assemblies of God church, and I wanted to go to Missionettes. I soon learned that there was no Missionettes program at Bethel, and to my disappointment, the youth program was lacking. My sister had friends from her school (two sisters, one in Kacki’s grade, and the other a year older.) On Wednesday nights, I was the only teenager. I was too old to hang out with my sister and her elementary school friend, and too young for the adult Bible study. The solution was simple; we found a new church so I could be in a youth group where the youth and leaders weren’t the same person (me).

And so, starting in October 2004, I started going to the youth group at Abundant Life Worship Center of Whippany (ALWCW). Xtreme Youth. They met most Fridays in the year, though not the last Friday of the month. Occasionally, they would have youth services. Most weeks, we would go out bowling, roller skating, or somewhere else. By far, it was the most expensive youth group I ever attended.

On Thursday April 6, 2006, when I was a freshman, Xtreme Youth took a few members of the youth group to Tom’s River, NJ for a Hillsongs United Concert. I had heard of Darlene Zschech before, but I had no idea what to expect from the concert. I wasn’t familiar with any of the music there, but by the end of the night I was a huge fan. (I wasn’t such a huge fan of not getting home until after midnight on a school night though.)

A day later, my family took our monthly trip to Alexandria, VA for my orthodontist appointment. This was an unusual trip. For the first time since our August 2004 move to New Jersey, we would be staying the weekend, and visiting our former churches. We stayed with my grandparents in Fairfax, and ventured out on Sunday to church services.

On Sunday April 9, 2006, I went to my first church: First Assembly of God in Alexandria. My closest friend from that church, Olivia, had not been attending on Sundays due to other commitments. However, she was there that one Sunday. I stayed for Sunday School, and the Sunday Service (I sat next to Olivia.)

That night, I went to a Senior High School small group with my first youth group at New Hope Church. I came as a surprise to everyone there, though I was only really hoping to see one friend: Jordan. After I moved, Jordan found my email (probably on the New Hope Youth Group email list that I was still on), and she started to send me emails. Of all the youth group members, she was the only one I managed to keep in touch with. (We still chat all the time.)

When I was living in Virginia, I was one of the quiet ones. I didn’t talk to people much at church. I became familiar with Pentecostal worship services and children’s retreats where you stood out like a sore thumb if you were quiet. I did not raise my hands in worship, and I didn’t jump and scream with others. I tried to keep to myself for the most part. I didn’t have many friends at church, simply because I was too shy and later a fear to become close to people was added into the equation. (Jordan and I didn’t really become friends until after I moved.)

At the Hillsong’s United Concert, I was one of the more vocal of my youth group. Though I did not raise my hands in worship (I still have a hard time with that), I found myself jumping and screaming while the band played. Most of the group sat or stood silently, much like I would have done in Virginia.

I often say that I hated Virginia, and I still dislike many aspects of it. However, now I see that I dislike a lot of my history there. On April 9, 2006, while at my grandparent’s house, I wrote:

“I miss living here in VA. There. I admit it. As much as I wanted to leave, now, I really miss it. I didn’t realize how much I missed Olivia and Jordan until I actually saw them earlier today. It’s not like I want to leave my friends from PHS and Abundant Life. I couldn’t imagine leaving Jersey, but sometimes I do want to move back. I want to go to New Hope on Sundays and Youth on Wednesdays at First Assembly. I want to be able to see Allie and Blair and Kate and Tom and Denaya and everyone at Minnie Howard more than the occasional “once in a blue moon.”

But if I go back, what about [these friends at school and church]? How could I just leave them?

Sometimes, I feel like I don’t belong at Abundant Life. Not like I belonged at New Hope at least. Even if I was a bit on the outside, I felt more of a person of importance than [in] NJ. Don’t get me wrong or anything. I love Xtreme. People are nice, but I don’t feel connected to anyone here really…

…Maybe there’s this closed circle. Most people at youth have grown up together. I don’t have that connection everyone else has….At New Hope and First Assembly, I felt like something-someone.

At church Sunday morning, I realized how much I really missed the hugging in the services. People don’t hug in Jersey. They just…don’t. That’s just it.*

And at the concert. I missed going with youth to events were we get wild and crazy for Jesus. I don’t feel that part of me anymore. I was the quiet one in VA. I didn’t clap or scream, or raise my hands. At the concert, I was one of the louder. My heart felt alive.

Guess it comes to show you that you really don’t appreciate what you have until it’s gone.”

During that weekend, I spent some of my time on my grandfather’s computer doing research on a youth group my mom’s boss told her about. This group was at an Assemblies of God church, which is what I wanted, so I decided to go the next Friday youth was in session: April 21, 2006.

It was my first day at Velocity. I went off and on for a while (I also went to the Chinese Christian Church of NJ, but that’s a long ugly story that I’ll get into another time.) In September 2007, I started going to New Beginnings and in November my family started attended the Evangelical Fellowship Chapel of Parsippany (both of which are in the same building as Bethel Assembly.) When Velocity switched to Sunday “Velocity Reborn” meetings, I immediately fought to go.

I learned something that I didn’t realize back when I started going in April. It took a second youth group where I felt important, and a failed youth group search attempt for me to see that Velocity was the first New Jersey youth group where I felt like I was something important. Sure, I didn’t really remember any names during the times that I stopped going, but it was the first youth group where people asked me where I was if I missed a couple weeks. After over a year at Abundant Life, it seemed as if hardly anybody noticed that I had left with no notice. Velocity was different.

So, this April it will be two years since the day I first started going to Velocity. A lot has changed since then, and I don’t doubt that a lot will change in the future. Every day, I realize how much the people there mean to me. I realized recently that I could not live (literally) without some of the people at Velocity.

So, thanks to everyone…friends in Virginia, and non-friends in Jersey (I don’t talk to anyone at Abundant Life or half the people from school freshman year anymore.) Thanks Bethel for your lack of a youth group, and thanks CCCNJ for showing me that I really didn’t belong there. Most of all: thanks to everybody at Velocity. You have helped make this one of the most awesome (almost) two years.

Love,

Queen Lissa